3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
