last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
