I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
