He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
