So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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