just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
