She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
