her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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