Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
