Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
