This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
