I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
