My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize