She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
