You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
