I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
