So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
