just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he was CRYING into my vagina
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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