so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize