my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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