Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
