oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
