And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
