but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
