its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
