chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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