Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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