I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
