How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
