Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
