the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
