I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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