Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
