Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
