My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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