Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
