All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
