I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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