my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
