He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
