carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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