i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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