its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
