I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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