walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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