new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
