I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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