i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize