Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
