I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
