i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
