if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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