theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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