Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
