I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
