That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
