Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
