just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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