we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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