I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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