I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
