And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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