i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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