Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
