walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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