we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
