I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
