Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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